Acknowledging v. Accepting

From a logical standpoint, one might make this statement when trying to describe the relationship between acknowledgment and acceptance when speaking of trauma, mental illness, etc. :

  1. Acknowledgment of something is necessary in order for someone to be able to accept that said thing
  2. Acknowledgment of something is not sufficient in order someone to be able to come to terms with said thing

    One must be able to acknowledge and accept something in order to come to terms with said thing. 

This may not be the most perfect breakdown in logical structure, but the point is, you must be able to acknowledge and accept something before you can fully come to terms with it. 

This is something that I still struggle with in all aspects of my life.

At first, I struggled with the ability to accept that I was sick and had an eating disorder. I could acknowledge that something was wrong, but I could not accept that I had an eating disorder, and therefore could not progress in my recovery.

Currently, I am struggling with this regard in terms of my recent declaration of disability. Since I was diagnosed with POTS, I have been hospitalized three times for various reasons. This has caused me to miss many class days and get very behind in some of my class work.
Two of my professors were generous enough to offer me a ‘G’ grade. This is a grade given to represent an incomplete due to extenuating personal circumstances. Due to my hospitalizations, I qualify.

My current struggle is that I can acknowledge that yes, I am disabled and therefore required extra time to do work in order to succeed. But I do not want to accept that because I feel that it makes feel weak in comparison to my classmates. 

Now,  I know that this is not true deep down inside of me. I am capable of doing just as well as my peers and I could not control my medical situation. However, my emotional and mental boundary that I have put up is preventing me from completing my work to the best of my ability because I have set myself up to believe that I am not capable. 

This is where professional help comes in.

There is no shame in admitting that we, as humans, do not understand our emotions and do not have the tools to control them at all times. Sometimes, we need to call in for back up; call for someone who has spent many years trying to understand why our minds process these types of situations these ways.

I have been able to seek professional help in the past which has allowed me to thrive in eating disorder. First, I am going to try to use the tools that I have learned from there and apply it to this situation. If that fails, I will reach out to my therapist for further assistance.

I hope this made some bit of sense.


Sincerely,
Casey

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