The Caress of Coffee

If you know anything about me, it’s that I love coffee. I started drinking it black when I was only 8 years old, and I haven’t stopped drinking it since.

Coffee makes me feel warm and happy inside. It’s kind of like a security blanket. If I have it, I feel good and energized even if I don’t actually have any energy. I just feel like I need it all of the time now.

But if there’s anything else you know about me, its’ that I have a condition called POTS or Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.

The kiss of caffeine in coffee feels comforting until it hits my bloodstream. I find that my tachycardic response worsens, and I need to drink much more water than I would usually need to in order to compensate for the stimulant thats affecting my already dysfunctional nervous system.

I’m currently sitting in Frankfurt airport and drinking my first espresso drink in two months and I can feel my heart rate increasing. I know this is normal for most, but I know that the second I stand up it will only get higher.

The doctors tell me that I should give up coffee, but I have such a dependency upon it. How do you give up something that you love when you know that it’s hurting you? This question doesn’t just apply to the fact that when I drink coffee it increases the likelihood of me fainting upon standing, but it applies to almost any situation in life.

Letting go of things is difficult for me. It’s one of my biggest flaws and sometimes I just can’t do it. Is it detrimental that I get rid of coffee? No. But would my quality of life increase dramatically? Yes. I don’t know, guys. I’m just rambling and overthinking things. I’m tired.


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